• To agree with people on the surface when you do not agree inside.
• To avoid the unknown by not speaking unless you are sure ahead of time exactly what you are going to say.
• To make other people's reactions so important they override your own beliefs.
• To respond to life in a feelingless manner and to avoid emotionally laden subjects.
• To hang onto old familiar ways of responding because it seems safer.
• To take a test such as an interest or personality test and to give the test power over your own decisions.
• To put unrealistic expectations on yourself or others.
• To use an "I am" label (as "an alcoholic," for example) and by so doing view yourself as having a condition, then to use this as a subtle means for shifting the responsibility for what you do onto that condition, or convincing yourself that is what you are instead of what you do.
• To hold onto a poor concept, comparing yourself to others and coming off second-best all the time. (You carefully select the "right" person to make this happen.)
• To keep from venturing into the unknown by bringing previous defeats into your mind.
• To lump people into categories and to react to them according to the way you lumped them rather than as the unique individuals they are.
• To be argumentative as a way of not getting into deeper issues.
• To misuse drugs, but to become an expert at identifying society's faults.
• To build a deceptive wall around yourself so that no one can get near, then to refer to this defensiveness as depth and to try to convince yourself and others that this so-called depth is a mark of distinction. (People are often able to elicit praise for this "depth.")
• To break up relationships as a way of not having to build close and lasting ones, but to make it appear that the other person is at fault.
• To go about doing weird things as a way to keep convincing yourself how terrible you are.
• To begin a lot of tasks but not to finish them.